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A terrible and traumatic event has taken place and it is difficult for us to understand.� While we struggle to comprehend the events, we must be aware of the concerns that the children have as well.
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Children are excellent at reading people�s emotions and they will be taking their cues from the adults around them.� No matter how we may try to keep information from children, they are aware that something terrible has happened and the important adults in their lives are upset.
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Some behaviors children may demonstrate are:
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��������� Infants sense your body language and may respond to their parents� anxieties c by increased crying.
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��������� Preschool children may fear being left alone and may regress in certain behaviors, have nightmares, be tearful, and may demand more attention and cuddling.
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Older children will be equally fearful
but may demonstrate a cavalier attitude to cover up their concern and/or react
with anger and moral outrage.� Feelings
of helplessness may result in a child withdrawing or becoming aggressive.
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No matter how terrifying the events, it is important to listen and respond honestly and factually and to maintain routines and sense of security for each child.
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Let the children know that this is an extremely
rare event.
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Reassure children of their safety and that they
are loved.
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Assure children that you and many others are
working to assure their safety. For older children you can go over what
some of the actions have been (security at the building, airport security, and
grounding of planes, etc).� Reassure
each child that you are safe and that everything is being done to keep everyone
as safe as possible.
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Acknowledge the range of normal reactions.� Let children know that the events have been
scary and very sad and that everyone, including yourself, are upset.� Repeat some statement of encouragement such
as, �Your family, myself, and helpers throughout the country are doing all they
can to keep you safe.�� Provide
opportunities for children to work through their feelings in conversations,
dramatic play and art work.
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Do not be afraid to talk about this traumatic
event. Children know that the adults in their lives are upset and they
are seeking ways to understand.� Remain
accessible and respond calmly and factually.
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Respond in language that you know your child will
understand. �Young children will
be quite concrete and egocentric.� They
may ask questions about details such as �What happened to the desk in the
building?�� As they try to understand
and make sense of what they are told, they may ask the same question over and
over.
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Listen to children. �Respond directly to child�s question and
concerns after learning what they already know.� Ask, �What have you heard?��
�What do you know?� Ask older children what they think, feel or
observe.� Provide accurate information
and dispel any misconceptions.� If you
don�t know the answer, say you�ll try to find out and get back to them.
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For younger children keep your answers short and
to the point.
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Respond to questions about people dying. Don�t
lie, but don�t overwhelm them with information.� Respond simply, �Yes, some people died.�� If pressed for more detail you can say, �I
understand a lot of people died.��
Acknowledge how sad it is and again reassure them of their safety.
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Keep routines and schedules as normal and
predictable as possible. �Let
them child know whenever there is a change in that schedule and prepare them
for such a change if you are able.
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Avoid exposing the child to media coverage. �If a child does see coverage, be sure you are
there to talk about what is being seen.
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You may need to spend more individual time with
each child. �Children may have
greater separation issues.� School-age
children may want to be in frequent contact with their families.� Reassurances, hugs and cuddles are
especially important.� School-age
children need opportunities to do fun things in-between talking about the
events.
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Talking to Kids about War:� http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/war
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Talking with Kids about the
News:� http://www.childrennow.org/television/twt-news
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Talking to Children about
Violence and other Sensitive and Complex issues in the World: >http://www.ersnational.org
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